And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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