i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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