Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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