you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He better not be in your backpack
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize