We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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