my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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