Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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