I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I looked at my own cervix.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
