I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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