Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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