he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
