You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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