Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
