i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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