none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I smell stomach acid.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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