i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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