Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
