i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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