Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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