do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize