I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
