i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
