Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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