So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
