I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
its liver damage thursday
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
