Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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