Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
