Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
