Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I intend to get homeless drunk
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
