You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
