just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize