did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
