why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
