I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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