Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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