I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
