I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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