she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
