My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
