What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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