I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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