Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
