dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
