did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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