your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
