I looked at my own cervix.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she peed on how many people?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
