Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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