i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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