When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
