awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
