you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
