Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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