I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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