We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He better not be in your backpack
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
