You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
