Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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