***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
