There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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