I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
