i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
vagina is talking i cant
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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