Yo dont text me then not text me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
