she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
