Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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