fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
