wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
