Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
