FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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