Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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