my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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