i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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