The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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