I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
