I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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