his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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