I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think my tv is drunk
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
