im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
