onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You need Xanax blowdarts
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
