So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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