Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
