I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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