New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
