He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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