I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
