And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
