first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize