I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
