I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
