all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A bitchslap is in order.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
