I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He has the fingertips of a God
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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